What Are Signs of Abandonment Issues in Adults?

Signs of abandonment issues in adults can present in many ways, some of which can be hard to identify on your own. Read on to learn these signs, plus tips for dealing with abandonment trauma.

Abandonment trauma is a deep psychological wound that happens when someone essential to a person’s emotional and physical well-being leaves or withdraws support, typically during childhood. The repercussions of this trauma often manifest in diverse and pervasive ways into adulthood—a collection of symptoms sometimes colloquially referred to as “abandonment issues.” If you or a loved one have abandonment issues, it’s essential to recognize the signs in order to heal. Read on to learn more about how abandonment issues manifest in adults and how to heal from abandonment trauma. 

Common signs of abandonment issues in adults

Here are some of the most frequent indicators of abandonment trauma that I observe in both my practice and personal experiences:

1. Emotional instability and insecurity

One hallmark of abandonment trauma is emotional instability. Individuals who have experienced abandonment often struggle with intense and fluctuating emotions. They live with a constant sense of insecurity, fearing that those they care about will leave. This fear can result in an anxiety disorder, particularly in relationships, as they worry about rejection or abandonment. Even minor changes in others’ behavior may be interpreted as a threat, making them overly sensitive to perceived slights.

2. Fear of intimacy and commitment

Abandonment trauma frequently leads to difficulties in forming close, intimate relationships. Fear of being hurt or left again often causes individuals to avoid deep emotional connections. This avoidance may manifest as a reluctance to commit to long-term relationships or as keeping partners at a distance. In some cases, self-sabotaging behaviors—such as pushing partners away or prematurely ending relationships—serve as a protective mechanism. Others may move quickly from one relationship to another to avoid confronting feelings of vulnerability or rejection.

3. Clinginess and dependency

Conversely, abandonment trauma can also result in clinginess and dependency. Those affected may feel an overwhelming need for constant reassurance and validation from their partners or friends. This dependency often stems from a fear that, without frequent contact or affirmation, they will be abandoned again. Such behaviors may include excessive demands for attention, reluctance to spend time alone, and difficulty tolerating separations.

4. Low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness

Low self-esteem is a common consequence of abandonment trauma. Many individuals internalize their experiences, blaming themselves for the abandonment and believing they are unworthy of love or care. This negative self-perception can lead to chronic feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, which may affect their personal and professional lives. Abandonment trauma often leaves individuals questioning their own value, contributing to ongoing struggles with relationships, careers, and self-image.

5. Trust issues

Being let down by a critical figure can lead to difficulty trusting others for people with abandonment trauma. Survivors may feel suspicious of people’s intentions, constantly fearing betrayal or deception. This mistrust can make it challenging to open up and build meaningful relationships, often leading to emotional isolation.

6. Unhealthy or unstable relationship patterns

Those with abandonment trauma often find themselves in relationships that mirror the dynamics of their original abandonment. For example, they may unconsciously choose partners who are emotionally unavailable or prone to leaving, perpetuating a cycle of pain and reinforcing feelings of unworthiness due to low self-esteem. These patterns can be difficult to recognize but are vital to breaking free from the trauma’s grip.

7. Emotional numbness and detachment

In an attempt to protect themselves from further pain, individuals with abandonment trauma may shut down emotionally. This emotional numbness or detachment serves as a defense mechanism, shielding them from potential rejection but also making it difficult to form meaningful connections. Burying their emotional needs feels as though it protects them from repeated patterns of abuse in interpersonal relationships.

8. Chronic feelings of loneliness

Despite being surrounded by people, many individuals with abandonment trauma experience pervasive loneliness. The deep-seated fear of potential abandonment can make it hard for them to feel truly connected to others, leaving social interactions feeling superficial or unsatisfying.

9. Hypervigilance

Hypervigilance is another common sign of an abandonment wound. Those affected may constantly monitor their environment and relationships for potential signs of abandonment. This heightened alertness can be exhausting and lead to chronic stress and emotional pain as they remain on guard for the next perceived rejection or loss.

10. Unhealthy coping mechanisms

To manage their overwhelming emotions and fears, individuals with abandonment trauma may adopt maladaptive coping strategies. These can include substance abuse, overeating, or engaging in other addictive behaviors to numb the pain or distract themselves from abandonment anxiety. Unfortunately, these behaviors often exacerbate underlying issues, creating additional emotional and physical challenges.

11. Struggles with finding meaning

Many survivors of abandonment trauma wrestle with questions of purpose and meaning in life. This struggle is sometimes expressed as a loss of faith or spirituality or a sense of existential doubt. They may find it challenging to create a sense of fulfillment, often asking, “What’s the point of all this?” 

The link between abandonment trauma and attachment style

Clinically, abandonment issues are often linked with an insecure attachment style, a topic extensively studied in psychology that refers to the way people connect with others. Attachment style patterns aren’t just psychological—they’re rooted in the way your brain and nervous system are wired to respond based on early life experiences. 

Consider, for instance, an example of someone who suffered from parental abandonment. When parental support and nurturing are absent during critical developmental stages, the child may develop long-lasting fears of rejection and encounter difficulties forming healthy relationships later in life—a relationship pattern that mirrors an anxious attachment style, where people strongly crave closeness but fear rejection and abandonment. This example is one of many showing how abandonment issues can be linked with an insecure attachment style.

Therapy for childhood abandonment trauma

Even though abandonment issues can impact people into adulthood, therapy can play a significant role in helping to rewire these responses and promote healing. Healing from childhood abandonment trauma requires guidance from skilled therapists who specialize in attachment-related challenges. A mental health professional can provide a tailored approach, helping individuals uncover the root causes of their attachment patterns and understand how these dynamics affect their relationships and daily lives. 

Therapeutic approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may help with issues like separation anxiety, while dialectical behavior therapy can be effective for those with borderline personality disorder (BPD). A therapist can assist with building self-esteem, setting boundaries, and improving communication in relationships. For children, specialized therapy such as play therapy, art therapy, family therapy, or animal-assisted therapy can help address intense abandonment fears.

How Charlie Health can help

If you or a loved one are an adult struggling with signs of abandonment issues, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions, including abandonment issues in adults. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, managing your mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.