7 Signs You Might Have a Narcissistic Father — and How to Cope

Are you sensing some red flags that your dad might be a narcissist? Read on for 7 signs of a narcissistic father and the impact this can have on your mental health.

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Do you feel like your dad is constantly putting you down, has no regard for your emotions, or manipulates you? If so, you might have a narcissistic father. 

But first –– what exactly is a narcissist? The term gets thrown around a lot these days, so it’s important to define it. “A narcissist is someone who exhibits a pattern of grandiosity, a constant need for admiration, and a general lack of empathy for others,” says Anne Oeswein, LPC-S, M.Ed, a Clinical Supervisor with Charlie Health. “They also have an inflated sense of self-importance and an obsession with success or power.” A true narcissist is diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). However, people can have narcissistic traits without having NPD. 

If you think you have a narcissistic parent, it’s important to recognize the signs so you can take protective measures for your well-being. Here are 7 signs of a narcissistic father to look out for, plus information on how a narcissistic parent can impact your mental health.

7 signs of a narcissistic father

It isn’t always easy to spot narcissistic traits in a parent, especially if this is behavior that you’ve been a victim of your whole life. It can be hard to face the reality of having a narcissistic parent,  but recognizing these behaviors can help you understand how they might be affecting you. If you think your dad might show signs of narcissism, here are seven big ones to look out for.

1. He lacks empathy

A lack of empathy is a core narcissistic behavior. While every parent should care deeply about their children’s emotions, a narcissistic parent may not have any regard for their kids’ emotional needs.

“A narcissistic father may struggle to understand or care about his children’s feelings and needs,” says Oeswein. “He might dismiss their emotions and ignore their struggles, focusing instead on his own needs.” 

2. He’s overly critical

Narcissists feel superior and often criticize others. In this case, a parent might constantly put their child down, taking a major emotional toll on them.

“A narcissistic father may frequently criticize or belittle his children, often setting unrealistic, high expectations,” Oeswein says. “That, in itself, will lead to feelings of inadequacy in the children because they feel they will never meet his standards.” 

3. He’s self-centered

A narcissist may feel like the world revolves around them and that their needs are more important than anyone else’s. A good parent should practice selflessness, but a narcissistic parent struggles in this department. “He prioritizes his own desires and interests above those of his family,” says Oeswein. “Family activities will revolve around his preferences, leaving little to no room for his children’s input.”

4. He has a strong need for control

Since narcissists are arrogant and entitled, they may act like it’s their way or the highway. They feel entitled to control those around them –– even family members. Oeswein says a narcissistic father will make important family decisions without considering his children’s opinions. Ultimately, this can lead to children feeling powerless and unable to express themselves, she adds. 

5. He’s manipulative

Manipulative behavior, especially emotional manipulation, is unfortunately common among narcissists. Narcissistic fathers often use guilt-tripping as a manipulation tactic. “He may manipulate his children emotionally, using guilt or shame to control their actions and decisions,” Oeswein says. “He might make them feel responsible for his happiness and well-being.” For example, if a father is in a bad mood, he might blame it on the children, even if they had nothing to do with it. 

6. He can’t handle criticism

Although narcissists think that they’re better than others, they may also be hypersensitive to criticism. This is especially the case with a covert narcissist, also known as a vulnerable narcissist. 

“When a narcissistic father is confronted with criticism or feedback that he doesn’t like, he’s going to get defensive and angry,” says Oeswein. “He’s unable to accept any perceived flaws or shortcomings.” This creates a very tense environment. where children are scared to say anything that might upset their father, she adds. They may feel like they’re always walking on eggshells. 

7. He doesn’t respect boundaries 

Narcissists feel entitled to what they want when they want it –– which can lead them to disregard anyone’s personal boundaries, including their children’s. “He’s going to be intruding in his children’s lives without any respect for their privacy,” Oeswein says. “He has to constantly insert himself, making the decisions and telling them what to do.”

Behavioral impacts of having a narcissistic father

Having a narcissistic father (or a narcissistic mother, for that matter) can have serious impacts on the behavior and well-being of a child or teenager, according to experts. Since you’re used to trying to keep the peace with your father and family, you might become a people-pleaser. Oeswein says you might think that because you’ve learned that you need to work to make your dad happy, you might carry this out to how you treat other people because that’s what you’re used to.  

Also, exposure to constant criticism and a lack of validation from your father, might lead you to internalize those beliefs, Oeswein says. This can make you feel inadequate and never good enough –– whether for your father or others. 

Lastly, when you grow up with a parent who makes you feel guilty for expressing your feelings, or even maybe for showing any emotions at all, you may develop a habit of suppressing your emotions. You may not want to show emotions or express your feelings to others because of the negative reactions you’ve received from your father.

Long-term mental health effects of a narcissistic father 

The mental health impact of narcissism doesn’t just affect you when you’re a kid. The impact can follow you long-term into adulthood, especially if you don’t seek the mental health support you need if you’re struggling. 

On top of the above mental health impacts, which can also carry over into adulthood, here are some potential long-term effects of narcissistic abuse:

1. Mental health conditions 

If you’ve experienced emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissistic parent, you are at higher risk of developing mental health conditions such as depression or an anxiety disorder. Another common condition associated with narcissistic parenting is complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), a subtype of PTSD that’s associated with complex trauma –– which is ongoing, repeated trauma that’s hard to escape from, often linked to family members. Emotional abuse from a narcissistic parent can be very traumatic for children and fall under this umbrella. 

2. Relationship troubles

You may have developed an insecure attachment style growing up surrounded by narcissism. Attachment theory proposes that a child’s relationship with caretakers early in life plays a large role in future relationships, even in adulthood. Developing an insecure attachment style from a narcissistic father can lead to relationship struggles later in life. You may find yourself ending up in unhealthy relationships and having trouble feeling secure with a partner.

3. Physical health problems

The mind-body connection is strong, and trauma can have lasting impacts on your physical health. If you’re a trauma survivor, you might have somatic symptoms like headaches, stomach aches, or muscle tension. Additionally, PTSD is a risk factor for developing chronic diseases like heart disease, diabetes, and gastrointestinal disorders. 

Treatment for narcissistic parenting

If you struggle with your mental health or any of these signs, it’s important to address the root cause and unpack the trauma surrounding your narcissistic father. Some types of therapy that are effective for narcissistic abuse are:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
• Trauma-focused CBT (TF-CBT)
• Prolonged exposure therapy (PE)’
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)
• Dialectical behavior therapy

How Charlie Health can help

Whether you’re a teen who’s in the midst of narcissistic parenting or an adult facing the lasting ramifications of narcissism in the family, Charlie Health may be able to help you. Our virtual intensive outpatient program (IOP) provides personalized mental health services for people and families dealing with various struggles, including trauma related to narcissistic abuse.

All of Charlie Health’s clinicians are trauma-informed and well-equipped to help you process your trauma in a non-judgemental, safe space. With trauma-informed care and a supportive community, you can start feeling better. Fill out this short form to get started today.