BPD Devaluation: What It Is and How to Handle It

Devaluation is a coping mechanism often used by people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) to manage intense emotions and fears. Here’s what to do about it.

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In the context of borderline personality disorder (BPD), “devaluation” refers to a psychological defense mechanism or coping strategy that people with BPD may employ in their interpersonal relationships. Devaluation involves a shift in the person’s perception of others, where they view someone they previously idealized or held in high regard as unworthy, flawed, or worthless. Below, we delve into how long devaluation lasts, what it looks like, and how to address it. 

What is devaluation in BPD?

The pattern of devaluation typically follows a cycle known as “splitting,” where people with BPD may initially idolize or idealize someone, believing them to be perfect, amazing, or indispensable. However, when conflicts or perceived flaws arise, the person with BPD may rapidly shift to devaluing that person and suddenly think they’re entirely “bad,” evil, or undeserving of their attention or affection. This pattern of intense and unstable emotions is categoric for people with BPD, who often have difficulties maintaining stable relationships.

Devaluation can lead to major relationship difficulties, as the person with BPD may engage in behaviors such as intense criticism, verbal attacks, withdrawal, or even cutting off contact with the person they have devalued. These actions are often driven by the person’s fear of rejection, abandonment, or a desire to protect themselves from potential hurt or disappointment.

It’s important to note that devaluation in BPD is not considered to be a conscious choice but rather a defense mechanism driven by underlying emotional and psychological distress. 

How long does the devaluation stage last?

The duration of the devaluation stage can vary from person to person and situation to situation. It is important to recognize that BPD symptoms, including devaluation, can fluctuate over time and may occur in cycles. The devaluation stage may last for hours, days, or even weeks, depending on the person and the relationship dynamics involved. The intensity and duration of devaluation can be influenced by various factors, such as a triggering event, the person’s emotional state, their level of distress, and their overall coping mechanisms.

What are examples of devaluation?

Devaluation can manifest in different ways for people with BPD, but there are some common examples. It’s important to note that these examples are not exhaustive, and the manifestations of devaluation can vary from person to person. Additionally, not all individuals with BPD engage in devaluation, and the severity and duration of devaluation can differ in each case.

Criticism and verbal attacks

During the devaluation phase, people with BPD may engage in intense criticism and express their negative opinions about the person they have devalued. This criticism can be harsh, hurtful, and often disproportionate to the situation. They may use derogatory language, insults, or personal attacks to express their negative views.

Withholding affection and attention

Those with BPD may withdraw affection, attention, or support from the person they have devalued. They may become emotionally distant, ignore their messages or calls, or even cut off contact entirely as a way to punish or distance themselves from the person they perceive as unworthy.

Splitting behaviors

Splitting refers to the black-and-white thinking often seen in individuals with BPD. They may oscillate between extreme idealization and devaluation rapidly. For example, one moment, they may express deep love and admiration for someone, and the next moment, they may devalue them and express intense anger or resentment.

Disregard for boundaries

During devaluation, people with BPD may disregard or disrespect the boundaries set by the person they have devalued. They may violate personal boundaries, invade privacy, or engage in behaviors that they know would cause distress or discomfort to the other person.

Avoidance and isolation

In some cases, the individual with BPD may isolate themselves or avoid the person they have devalued. They may withdraw from social interactions, cancel plans, or create distance to protect themselves from potential rejection or abandonment.

How can you stop idealization and devaluation in BPD?

Managing the patterns of idealization and devaluation in BPD involves a combination of therapeutic approaches, self-awareness, and other support. Addressing these patterns almost always requires professional guidance and support from a mental health professional experienced in treating BPD. 

Among the different therapeutic options that may help stop idealization and devaluation in BPD, dialectical behavior therapy is one of the most widely used approaches. It focuses on developing skills in four key areas: mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. By learning and practicing these skills, people with BPD can gain better emotional regulation abilities, reduce impulsive behaviors, and improve interpersonal relationships. Some common DBT skills include: 

• FAST
• TIPP
• DEAR MAN

What to do if someone with BPD has devalued you

Dealing with someone who has BPD and has devalued you can be challenging, but there are some steps you can take to navigate the situation:

Educate yourself

Learn more about BPD and its symptoms, including devaluation. Understanding the disorder can help you develop empathy and provide insight into the person’s behaviors and emotions.

Set boundaries

Establish and maintain healthy boundaries to protect your well-being. Clearly communicate your limits and expectations regarding acceptable behavior in the relationship.

Encourage professional help

Suggest therapy or counseling for the person with BPD. As mentioned, professional treatment, such as DBT, can be highly effective in helping individuals with BPD manage their symptoms and improve their relationships.

Practice self-care

Taking care of your own well-being is crucial. Engage in activities that promote your physical, emotional, and mental health. Seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate the challenges of dealing with someone with BPD.

Other mental health conditions associated with devaluation

While idealization and devaluation are commonly associated with BPD, these patterns of thinking and behavior can also be present in other mental health conditions. Here are a few examples:

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)

People with NPD may engage in idealization and devaluation as part of their interpersonal dynamics. They often have an inflated sense of self-importance and may initially idealize others whom they perceive as valuable or beneficial to their self-image. However, when they feel slighted or perceive a threat to their self-esteem, they can quickly shift to devaluing and demeaning those individuals.

Dissociative identity disorder (DID)

In DID, formerly known as multiple personality disorder, individuals can have different identities or “alters” that may idealize or devalue others. Different alters may have distinct perceptions and opinions about individuals in their lives, leading to shifts in idealization and devaluation.

Bipolar disorder

In the manic phase of bipolar disorder, individuals may experience grandiosity and inflated self-esteem, leading to the idealization of others. However, during depressive episodes, they may have negative self-perceptions and feelings of worthlessness, which can contribute to the devaluation of others.

Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)

People with OCPD can have rigid and perfectionistic tendencies, leading to the idealization of individuals who meet their high standards or ideals. Conversely, when others fail to meet their expectations, they may quickly devalue them and become critical or resentful.

How Charlie Health can help

If you or a loved one is struggling with borderline personality disorder (BPD), Charlie Health is here to help with the healing process. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for people and families dealing with serious mental health conditions, including BPD and other personality disorders. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With this kind of holistic online therapy, managing your mental health is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.