Future Faking Is a Relationship Abuse Tactic You Should Know

It’s a manipulation tactic that can be commonly used by people with narcissistic tendencies.

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It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of a promising new relationship, especially when someone speaks about a future together filled with big plans and dreams. However, if someone continually makes grand promises about a future together without showing any real intention of following through they might be “future faking” — a dating phenomenon that can be linked to forms of relationship abuse. Read on to learn more about what future faking looks like, why some people use it, and how to recognize the signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship early on so you can protect yourself.

What is future faking?

Future faking is a manipulative tactic often used in relationships where someone makes exaggerated promises about a shared future — such as talking about moving in together, marriage, or other major commitments — without any genuine intention of making those promises a reality. Here are some examples of future faking: 

• Talking about moving in together early in the relationship but then avoiding discussions about it when your lease is up 
• Planning a big trip together, including mentioning specific destinations, and dates, or even looking up flights, but never setting any actual future plans or canceling at the last minute
• Going into detail about major commitments, like wedding ideas or baby names, but showing little or no intention of moving forward with these future plans when the relationship is more serious 

In essence, future faking behaviors end at talk and are often a way to create a false sense of security and emotional attachment, making the other person feel invested and hopeful about a future that may never happen. This creates a cycle where one partner feels like a future together is possible but continually out of reach. 

The link between future faking and relationship abuse

Future faking is frequently discussed in contexts of narcissistic relationships and emotional abuse, as it exploits trust and leaves lasting emotional impacts on the person being manipulated. It is typically used to keep someone engaged or controlled in a relationship, often to the manipulator’s benefit. In essence, future faking isn’t just about false promises; it’s often a manipulative tactic that can be part of a larger pattern of relationship abuse. 

In the context of abusive relationships, future faking can be used to control and pacify a partner, keeping them invested even when the relationship is unhealthy or one-sided. It can also be a method for the abuser to avoid accountability; by dangling promises of change or a happy future, they distract from the present issues in the relationship, convincing the partner to tolerate behavior they might otherwise reject. This keeps the victim focused on an idealized future rather than addressing the current reality.

Future faking and narcissism

As mentioned, future faking is a common tactic used by narcissists or people with narcissistic tendencies to manipulate and control their partners. Narcissists use future faking to avoid confrontation, deflect criticism, and maintain control. When challenged, they reassure their partner with promises of a better future, redirecting attention away from current problems — a classic example of narcissistic abuse. 

Future faking can also be linked with love bombing, another manipulation tactic often used by people with narcissistic tendencies to gain control in a relationship. Love bombing involves overwhelming someone with excessive affection, compliments, and attention early on to create a sense of dependency and emotional attachment. Once the person is emotionally invested, future faking comes into play. This is when the manipulator promises a future filled with dreams, plans, and commitments that never materialize, keeping the victim hooked on the illusion of a perfect future. Both tactics exploit the victim’s emotional needs and vulnerabilities, leading to confusion, self-doubt, and a distorted sense of reality.

However, just because someone is a future faker, it doesn’t mean they have narcissistic personality disease (NPD), which is a diagnosable mental health condition. 

Mental health impacts of future faking

Future faking can take a severe toll on mental health, especially over time, as the constant cycle of false hope and broken promises wears down a person’s emotional well-being. Victims of future faking may experience confusion, self-doubt, anxiety, and depression as they navigate the inconsistency between the promises made and the lack of follow-through. Below are some of the key mental health impacts associated with future faking:

1. Anxiety and stress 

Constantly being fed promises of a better future without any tangible change creates an environment of emotional instability. This leads to chronic anxiety and stress as the person remains in a state of “waiting” for something that may never come. Also, the uncertainty surrounding whether promises will be kept can lead to heightened vigilance, where the victim is constantly on edge, trying to predict and control the outcomes of their partner’s behavior.

2. Self-esteem issues 

As promises are broken time and again, victims may begin to question their own worth. They may feel as though they’re somehow to blame for the failure of the relationship, leading to a loss of self-confidence. Over time, the realization that their partner’s promises were never genuine can make them feel insignificant and unloved, reinforcing negative beliefs about themselves.

3. Depression 

Over time, the repeated disappointment of unfulfilled promises can lead to a sense of hopelessness. Victims may begin to feel that they’re stuck in a relationship that will never change, contributing to feelings of sadness and depression. Also, as the relationship deteriorates, a victim may isolate themselves, further deepening feelings of loneliness and despair. They may feel unable to reach out for support due to the shame or confusion surrounding their situation.

Treatments for future faking 

Healing from the emotional wounds of future faking requires time, support, and a focus on rebuilding one’s mental health and sense of self. Addressing the trauma caused by future faking often involves both therapy and self-care strategies. Here are some common treatments and strategies that can help people recover from the effects of future faking and move forward in a healthier, more balanced way: 

• Seek therapy to address emotional and psychological wounds caused by future faking
• Set boundaries to protect yourself from future manipulation
• Lean on your support network for emotional care 
• Practice self-care like mindfulness, meditation, or journaling

How Charlie Health can help

If you are struggling with an abusive or unhealthy relationship, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for young people and families dealing with serious mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, relationship trauma, and more. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With this kind of holistic treatment, managing your well-being is possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.