Stopping Self-Harm, According to Experts

Tips for managing self-harm urges, as well as how to find professional help.

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Trigger warning: Self-harm, suicide. If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or are in danger of harming yourself, this is a mental health emergency. Contact 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline 24/7 by calling or texting 988.

Self-harm, sometimes referred to as self-injury or self-mutilation, is when you intentionally hurt yourself. There are different reasons why someone may self-harm, but it’s typically used as a way to cope with difficult feelings and overwhelming situations. It can also be a sign of an underlying mental illness. And while self-harm may provide some temporary relief from painful emotions, it’s not a sustainable way to cope with your problems. 

If you or someone you know is engaging in self-harming behaviors, know that help is available. Through practical tips and professional support, you can learn how to manage the urge to self-harm and improve overall well-being. Read on to learn tips from experts on how to manage self-harm for yourself and others.

How to stop yourself from self-harming

“We want to think about managing self-harm behaviors through a harm-reduction approach,” says Jordanne Greenberg, MA, RYT, Charlie Health Contemplative Practitioner. “Focusing on a minimization of the negative consequences of these behaviors, by encouraging the introduction of new and more fulfilling behaviors that support long-term health and well-being, will support in taking small steps towards abstinence over time,” she continues. 

Below are five tips to help you identify and reduce self-harming behaviors, then replace them with healthier alternatives. 

1. Identify your self-harm triggers

Take some time to think about your self-harm patterns and triggers. Once you know that’s contributing to your urge to self-harm, you can take the appropriate steps to avoid certain situations and minimize your stress. 

“Understanding when and how we are triggered to self-harm gives us the information that we need to begin unpacking our why and build healthier habits,” says Greenberg. Here are some questions to help you recognize triggering thoughts, feelings, and situations.  

• What happened before the last time I self-harmed? 
• How do I feel just before I self-harm? 
• Do I always feel the same emotions when I get the urge to self-harm?
• Do any of my habits or routines contribute to that feeling?
• Are there certain people, places, or things that make me want to self-harm?
• How do I feel after I self-harm? 

2. Distract yourself from the urge to self-harm

Self-harming behaviors are often a way to cope with overwhelming emotions. The next time you feel the urge to self-harm, consider finding ways to distract yourself from that feeling. 

For example:

• If you feel angry or frustrated, play loud music or write what’s bothering you on a piece of paper, then scrunch it up.
• If you feel sad or scared, wrap yourself in a cozy blanket or take a walk somewhere peaceful.
• If you feel numb or disconnected, wash your face with cold water or massage the part of the body where you want to self-harm.
• If you feel out of control, color or tidy up your room for 10 minutes.

3. Develop healthier coping strategies and outlets 

Think about healthy alternatives for coping with distressing emotions and situations. Some examples include: 

• Deep breathing exercises, such as counting backward from 10
• Mindfulness techniques, such as focusing on what you see, smell, taste, hear, and feel in that current moment
• Physical activity, such as swimming or walking 
• Positive affirmations, such as “I am strong enough to get through this”

Greenberg also suggests getting involved in your community. “Join local dance classes or an adult sporting league, volunteer at your local library, or get involved anywhere with individuals with whom you share a common interest or core value,” she says. 

4. Lean on your support network 

If you’re struggling with self-harming behaviors, make an effort to spend time with people who help you feel seen and supported. Telling other people about your self-harm can feel scary, but it’s an important step in getting help and holding yourself accountable.

“We exist in relation to others, and connection is healing,” says Greenberg. In addition to friends and family, your support network may involve a mental health support group or others who share similar passions and interests. 

“Getting involved in a community of people whom you feel seen by and cared for can help to cultivate a sense of belonging or greater purpose — both of which are fundamental to experiencing more positive emotions in life, and is a major protective factor against self-harm,” explains Greenberg.

5. Create a self-harm safety plan

If you’ve ever self-harmed, consider creating a self-harm safety plan. This is a personalized resource that includes tools and resources to help you cope with emotional distress and pain in healthier ways. A comprehensive self-harm safety plan typically includes your triggers, proven distraction techniques, healthy coping strategies, and contact information for friends, family, and emergency resources. 

How to support others who self-harm

If someone you care about is struggling and you don’t know how to help, the following tips can point you in the right direction. 

1. Know the signs of self-harm

It’s not always easy to tell when someone is engaging in self-harm, but learning about the different types of self-harm can help you recognize when someone is in distress. We typically associate self-harm with physical behaviors like cutting or burning your skin, but there are many ways to self-harm, including drug and alcohol misuse, disordered eating, negative self-talk, and self-destructive behaviors.

Some possible warning signs of self-harm include:

• Unexplained cuts, bruises, or scars
• Wearing baggy or concealing clothing, even in warm weather
• Social withdrawal 
• Mood changes
• Emotional distress
• Being secretive or hiding objects

2. Remain calm and compassionate  

When a loved one is in pain, your first instinct may be to try to solve the problem or become upset that it happened in the first place. While you’re entitled to have your thoughts on the situation, it’s important to focus on what the other person is feeling and experiencing. 

Opening up about their self-harm probably took a lot of courage, so make a point to be calm, compassionate, and listen without judgment. You can say something like, “I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time. I care about you, so please know I am always here to talk if you want to talk.” From there, your goal should be to create a safe environment where they feel seen and supported.

3. Help them explore alternative coping methods 

Encourage your loved one to explore healthier coping mechanisms, such as journaling and taking a long bath. Greenberg also suggests mindfulness and meditation exercises. “Practicing mindfulness encourages us to become more aware of our internal experiences, which can be incredibly helpful when learning to detect self-harm urges,” she explains. It can also be helpful to explore activities and hobbies you can do together, such as exercising and listening to music.

4. Support their journey 

Make a point to recognize your loved one’s commitment to ending their self-harming behavior. It may not happen overnight, but each milestone is progress to be celebrated. For example, going one month without self-harming or choosing an alternative coping mechanism for the first time. They may experience setbacks, and that’s normal, but continue to offer encouragement and support as they learn to heal. 

5. Encourage professional support

Working with a mental health professional can help people manage self-harming behaviors and any underlying mental health conditions. You can offer to help someone find an in-network therapist or accompany them to their appointments. If they’re not ready to seek support just yet, remind them that you’re always available to talk and help them take that first step toward receiving professional help. 

How Charlie Health can help 

If you or a loved one are struggling with a harmful cycle of self-harming behaviors, Charlie Health is here to help. Charlie Health’s virtual intensive outpatient programming (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for dealing with serious mental health conditions, including depression, trauma, and suicidal thoughts and behaviors. Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions. With treatment, learning to stop self-harm feels possible. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.