Everything You Should Know About Conversational Narcissism

Conversational narcissism refers to a communication style where people focus on themselves and leave others feeling unheard and unvalued.

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Have you ever met someone who always finds a way to make a conversation about them? Even their body language sends the message that they’re not interested in what you have to say. Or maybe you’re the person who has a habit of interrupting others and growing bored when the conversation isn’t focused on you.

These behaviors may describe something known as conversational narcissism. Exhibiting these traits doesn’t necessarily mean you have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but they can impact your relationships and ability to meaningfully connect with others. Below, we review some common signs of conversational narcissism, what causes this narcissistic behavior, and tips to help improve your communication style.

What is conversational narcissism? 

“Conversational narcissism is when you see narcissistic traits or behaviors exhibited in communication and communication styles,” explains Sarah Lyter, LCPC, MA, a Clinical Supervisor with Charlie Health. “There is a tendency for these behaviors to be exhibited wherein an individual focuses on themselves, often leaving the other person feeling unheard or unvalued.”

Examples of conversational narcissistic behavior include:

• Trying to overshadow or “one-up” other people
• Speaking loudly or interpreting other people during conversations 
• Always finding ways to shift the focus back to yourself
• Showing minimal curiously about people’s lives 
• Using exaggerated body language 
• Acting bored or uninterested when not talking about yourself 

Do all conversational narcissists have narcissistic personality disorder?

According to Lyter, showing signs of conversational narcissism doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is a narcissist. “Conversational narcissism really just points to a pattern of behavior within communication, whereas narcissism is a personality disorder,” she explains.

Someone with NPD may display these traits, but these behaviors are not part of the diagnostic criteria. In order to be diagnosed with NPD, you must exhibit five or more of the following symptoms starting in early adulthood.

• Grandiose sense of self-importance
• Sense of entitlement
• Fixation on fantasies of power, beauty, and success
• Lack of empathy
• Belief that they’re special” and can only be understood by others who are special 
• Demanding excessive admiration
• Exploitation behaviors
• Arrogance
• Jealous of others or believing that others are jealous of them 

What causes conversational narcissism? 

According to Lyter, there are several factors that can contribute to this type of narcissistic behavior. For example, people who are insecure or have low self-esteem may use these behaviors to feel validated or valued. Conversational narcissism may also be caused by environmental risk factors, such as stressful life events, cultural influences, and never being taught healthy social and communication skills. 

Four tips to reduce conversational narcissism 

Conversational narcissism can lead to lower-quality friendships and resentment in your relationships. “It tends to place strain on relationships and can reduce connection, increase frustration, and diminish trust,” explains Lyter. If you think that you might be a conversational narcissist, consider the following four tips to develop healthy conversation skills and improve your ability to connect with others. 

1. Practice active listening 

Active listening is the practice of being present and engaged when communicating with other people. When someone else is speaking, it’s important to remain focused on what they’re saying without cutting them off or planning what you’ll say next. 

Other ways to show you’re listening include:

• Nodding and making eye contact
• Offering reflective responses
• Asking clarifying questions 

2. Prepare a list of questions 

A sign of a balanced conversation is when everyone involved has the space to voice their thoughts, opinions, and experiences. If this doesn’t come naturally to you, here are a few questions to keep in mind. 

If you’re looking to include someone in your conversation, try:

• What do you think?
• Have you experienced something similar?

If you’re looking to initiate a new conversation, try:

• Have you watched any good movies or shows recently?
• What’s something you’re looking forward to this weekend?

3. Think before you speak 

Effective communication requires mutual respect. If you have a habit of interrupting or one-upping other people, make an effort to think before you speak. This can prevent you from offering unsolicited advice or hurting someone’s feelings, which can lead to an overall more balanced conversation. 

4. Seek professional support

If you’re showing signs of conversational narcissism, consider seeking professional mental health support. Even if you don’t meet the criteria for NPD, working with a therapist can help you increase your self-awareness, improve your communication skills, and understand what might be causing these behavioral traits and patterns. Treatment will vary by person but may include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT),  dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), or group therapy sessions. 

How Charlie Health can help

If you or someone you know is showing conversational narcissistic tendencies or simply wants to learn how to be a better conversation partner, Charlie Health can help. Charlie Health’s virtual Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) provides more than once-weekly mental health treatment for people dealing with serious mental health conditions, including narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Our expert clinicians incorporate evidence-based therapies into individual counseling, family therapy, and group sessions so that you can learn how to improve your relationship with yourself and others. Fill out the form below or give us a call to start healing today.